As The World Falls Down
by Tenshi-san
Summary: Rhiannon wanders through the Labyrinth. Random songs, and random events. Sugary fun!
1. Beginings, With Glitter

Tenshi-san: There's a lack of humorous Labyrinth fan fictions, so low and behold I submit this small piece of insane writing for peoples to read. Oh, and I love this soundtrack; so if Jareth suddenly bursts into song, don't mind. ^^  
  
Jareth: I hate you.  
  
Tenshi-san: ^^ I'll be nice.  
  
Jareth: -_- I DON'T believe you.  
  
Tenshi-san: I promise not to dump you in the Bog of Eternal Stench.  
  
Jareth: I still think you are a cruel, malic----  
  
Tenshi-san: Whose got your pants in a twist?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth…  
  
Chapter 1: In Beginning There Was Glitter. Everywhere.  
  
There is a bus in every school that is whispered about, hinted at, and, finally, just plain talked about. The whole ride is punctuated by thrown objects. You know, spit wads, broken pencils, coins, and daggers. They really should put a sign stating, "The Surgeon General says that riding this bus is hazardous to your health." Don't expect any bleeding hearts on this bus but your own. Multiple stab wounds hurt.  
  
In my school the bus is good old' number nine. This bus is a slice of hell. A moving, cold, damp, or, alternately, a moving, hot, humid, slice of hell. This is a lower ring that Lucifer thought was so bad, he removed it. And I, I have to ride this bus every day! But, still, no matter how bad it got I should never have said what I said.  
  
You know the saying 'be careful what you wish for, it might come true"? Believe me, that is very good advise. I said, " I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now!" Shouldn't ever say that. Ever. Unless you have a thing for goblins. (Wouldn't know why, goblins are icky. Don't even want to think of that.)   
  
It had been a bad day, and riding the bus home made it ten thousand times worse. I had not had a lovely English class. I may be a bit of a smart ass, but the fact was I had corrected the teacher. Twice. And, being a slacker, I didn't do the homework for any of the other classes. All two of them. And, now, to top it off I'm stuck in the Goblin King's Labyrinth with about 10 hours left of the 13 to finish it. And I'm not sure I want to go home.   
  
Being Friday, the bus was worse than usual. Everyone was shouting except me, I was staring out the window wishing I had a gun. Or a flamethrower. Hell a stake and mallet and some garlic would work wonders on this bus.  
  
As I stared out the window and fantasized about using a flamethrower on half of the bus and an Uzi on the rest, a sticky hand hit my window. A middle school student said, "Give me my hand back!"   
  
I, not at all happy from being woken from my reverie of pleasant thoughts, said "Why?" (I know, not the most interesting thing to say.)   
  
"Because it's mine!" Junior high wasn't happy and looked as if he was going to start yelling in his high, squeaky voice.  
  
"Then don't throw it at me." I stated in a monotone. I handed it to him.  
  
A girl named Rose sat in the seat across from me. We were neighbors and sometimes friends. Usually. She didn't like my humor, and thought I was a pervert. "What did I do to deserve to ride this bus!?"  
  
"I don't know, karmic debt, maybe…"   
  
"Rhiannon, we would have had to have been…" said Rose.  
  
"Multiple murderers, serial killers, thief who stole fire from the gods, wished a baby sibling to the goblins."  
  
"You watch to much T.V. I couldn't have been a serial killer in my last life. I don't have a former life. And you can't wish your siblings to the goblins. You'd have done it long ago if you could." Rose didn't like reincarnation or goblins.  
  
"You wouldn't remember a past life. And, why on Earth would I wish my siblings to the goblins. I'd go there myself!" I said.  
  
"Only cause you find Jareth attractive." that last statement is, unfortunantly, true. I do find the Goblin King attractive.  
  
"Hmph. He might be cute, but I like labyrinths." I said.  
  
"You might like mazes, but you want to pick out curtains with the king!" Rose teased.  
  
"Tapestries, Rose, not curtains. Jareth live in the castle…" I said in a singsong voice.  
  
"Beyond the Goblin City in the center of the Labyrinth," Rose knew the speech. I had forced her to watch the movie many times. Coming to think of it, that may have been why we were drifting apart.  
  
"Yep." I turned away to look out the window. "I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now." I whispered. Thunder rumbled and a lightning bolt lanced down a few yard from the bus. I turned to Rose, 'what do you think, a thunderstorm in December?"   
  
"Nothing is unusual. Perhaps a warm front came up from down south."  
  
"It was snowing down south. Near New Orleans and Miami. It never snows that far south, Rose!"  
  
"I suppose it's lover boy. You shouldn't ask for favors, Rhiannon."  
  
"So--malicious… You feeling okay Rose?" I sounded worried. She was never so cold. It was worrying.  
  
"Yes." she snapped, "I just wish you'd stop living in all those fairy tales."  
  
"Okay. Jeeze, Rose, I'll stop talking about it. Anyway this is just an unseasonable freak storm. Nothing magical about it." I couldn't have been more wrong. "You think that my saying…nah…" I shook my head.  
  
"What," she snapped with narrowed eyes, "did you say?"   
  
"I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now." I said sheepishly.  
  
Lightning lanced down and hit the bus. The girls in the seat behind me screamed. The bus spun, and suddenly came to a halt. I stood and found in what appeared to be a wasteland that had been drenched in glitter. A defiantly surreal looking place. Scrub grass and brown boulder shouldn't sparkle.  
  
I looked around, no bus, but people were picking themselves up and dusting the glitter off themselves. Really, someone had gone way overboard on the glitter. Strangely only people near me were here. Rose wasn't here at all.  
  
I looked toward the wall that was the only thing other than the grass and rocks. I took a step back, onto the slight hill. It was the wall around a labyrinth. With a city in the center, and a castle in the heart of the city.  
  
"Oh, God."  
  
"Gods have no power here." British accent. HE was standing behind me. Jareth, the Goblin King.  
  
End  
  
Tenshi-san: Not very long. Oh, well. It'll get longer as I write. Maybe this will have a plot!  
  
Neko-chan: Yeah, right! But still, read and review! 


	2. Chapter The Second, And More Glitter

Tenshi-san: Hey, people, I'll write faster if you review. And I'll try to cater to the masses, so if you have any ideas, feel free to e-mail me. I won't be mean. I swear. ^ ^  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Labyrinth. Do I look like a Henson? Well, actually, since this is writing you don't know what I look like, so that was a pointless question…. ^ ^ I should probably eat. I might make marginally more sense. But only marginally. I don't ever make perfect sense.  
  
Chapter 2: In The Second Chapter there was Jareth, Smart-aleck Comments, and More Glitter.  
  
"This can't be happening! You're not real!" I am afraid I sounded a tiny bit hysterical. But, it's not any day you're confronted with a fantasy villain.   
  
"You did wish to be here, and here you are."  
  
"I didn't know my wish would come true!" I said.  
  
"Ye-es, it's certainly more routine to wish an unwanted sibling, not yourself to my realm, but you did say…" he trailed off, looking rather amused.  
  
" I wished myself here! Not all the people around me!' I said sulkily "I wanted to be alone, you know, as in no company." back talking to Jareth; I must have been braver than I usually act.  
  
"Rhiannon, Rhiannon. I got you here, didn't I? You really should learn some gratitude, young lady."  
  
"Gratitude? To you! Why should I be grateful! You didn't do what I wanted!" I snapped.  
  
"Didn't do what you…" growled Jareth, "Fine. Get through my labyrinth in the time limit, and perhaps I'll try again."  
  
'That's not fa--" I shouted.  
  
"Uh, uh. Do not utter that word unless you wish to be dumped headfirst into the Bog of Eternal Stench."  
  
"What word?" I asked innocently, or tried to ask innocently, because after I asked that question he chased me into the beginning of the Labyrinth. I swear that man, or whatever he is, has no sense of humour.   
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
So, that's the beginning of my tale.   
  
And there were twelve people following me, based on the assumption that I knew were the hell I was going. I don't, but don't let the little weenies know that, it would break their little black hearts of stone.  
  
As far as I know, there were twelve people following me, five girls, Branwen, Dwynwen, Meredith, Sian, and Tegau, and seven boys, Rhys, Aiden, Edan, Kaie, Llewellyn, Riane, and Galen. And, yes, Meredith's nickname is Merry. And I have absolutely no idea why they have Welsh names…  
  
So, the idiot gang and I began the Labyrinth.   
  
"Why is everything so glittery?" whined Sian, as she brushed glitter from her black outfit. And in case you are wondering, retro punk is not a recommended outfit for exploring a glittery maze.  
  
"That's obvious, the little man in charge of this hellhole of a theme park has a fetish for glitter." Um, yeah. That would be Riane. He's not a nice person, and doesn't like anyone… He also looks like a pink and purple hedgehog on crack. I have nothing against punks, or multiple piercings, but between Sian and Riane it's a little much. And, yes, the punk twins are dating.  
  
"I know a shortcut to the end of the maze." I muttered, "Just look for a small fuzzy blue worm that says 'Ello". You know, this would have been a lovely vacation if I had been alone.  
  
"A small, blue worm…" said Merry.  
  
"Yes." I said sharply.  
  
"O.K.! You don't have to yell!" Merry burst into tears. Merry isn't a very merry person.   
  
"God… Look I'm sorry! Just were was the worm?" I really won't kill any of these people… Sure. I'm convinced all you people believe that.  
  
So, what with one thing and the other, I did find that damn' worm. And the opening, so I hung a left. And ran smack dab into Jareth.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" he said, eyes glittering.  
  
"To the castle." I said, "You know, the one in the centre. You live there!"  
  
" Very well, but you can't go this way. It's a dead end."  
  
" No it isn't! I can see the path!" I cried.  
  
" Oh. Yes. Sorry." Jareth waved a slender hand and the open path became closed.  
  
"That's not fair!" yelled Dwynwen.  
  
"LIFE'S NOT FAIR! WHEN WILL YOU IDJITS GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK SCULLS!" Jareth and I shouted at the same time. Oh joy, the Goblin King and I agree on something.  
  
Merry started crying.  
  
  
  
Galen said "How can anyone solve this thing if you change it every ten minutes?"  
  
" That is the point. Normally small children are kidnapped- uh," I hesitated because Jareth glared at me, "-liberated to this place. In the case that the child is wanted to be returned, the person has to run through the Labyrinth, get through the Goblin City, and defeat Jareth here." I waved at Jareth, who grinned.   
  
"That has only happened once. In several hundred years." Jareth sounded smug, the bastard.  
  
"An you expect us to believe you can get us out of here!" Said Branwen.  
  
"Actually, Rhiannon does know the way out…" said Jareth.  
  
"And I know the words. You have no power ove--" Jareth threw his hand over my mouth.  
  
" No! I won't be beat before the centre!"   
  
"Well if you two can stop feeling each other up, we should be going." stated Galen.  
  
End  
  
Tenshi-san: It's not as long as it should be, but I'm sick. *sniff* The flu is evil. But I wrote more because a nice person reviewed. Nice person! So follow in that nice person's steps and review. And you can give me flames. I don't mind! ^ ^ 


	3. Chapter The Third, With Things Happening...

Tenshi-san: I have been busy lately, so updates are probably going to be sporadic. So sorry to the people who like reading this little bit piece of madness that I write. Oh! And thank you to my reviewers! ^^ I'm so happy people read this…  
  
Disclaimer: I know you guy (and girls) get this. I only own the funny people with the Welsh/Gaelic names.   
  
Chapter Three: The Shaft of Helping Hands and More Glitter, Of Course.#  
  
  
  
Jareth released me without reliving me of any body parts. And he also left in a huff, showing that goblin men are just as pissy as human men. Tell an attractive man he's groping a girl, and he acts so outlandish.  
  
That's not to say I wasn't happy that Galen had said what he said. I really don't know what Jareth would have done if he hadn't been stopped when he had. It could have been bad. It could have involved kissing.  
  
____________________________________  
  
So know we, the ducklings and I, were wandering around in the middle of the beginning of the Labyrinth. And I do mean wandering. I just took the turns that pleased me. Galen was the first to notice.  
  
"Is it just me, or are we just walking around these passages randomly?"  
  
"Yes." I had decided to be honest. Yeah. Me, honest. Ha. I just couldn't think of a lie that was plausible that fast.  
  
"WHY?" The outburst was immediate. I wasn't surprised, how would you feel if your tour guide told you she didn't know where she was going. I certainly would feel the need to yell. Though not quite as loud as they were yelling at me.  
  
I threw up my hands, "Hold on! The reason I'm choosing a random path is so Jareth doesn't change it when we get close to where I need to be."  
  
"Oh." Everyone looked a bit chastised. Good. Annoying little buggers…  
  
Thankfully Jareth decided not to interfere, and I found the four shield guys about ten minutes later. "Ok, guys, I don't care who's lying or telling the truth. All I want to do is go through the door the blue ones are guarding."  
  
"But that's not right!" said one of the red guards.  
  
"Yeah! You have to do the test!" said the bottom blue guard.  
  
"If you have to do the test, you'd better. We do not want Jareth coming back," said Galen. Isn't he the nice, calm one? I don't know, but he almost seems jealous…   
  
"We don't want Mister Goblin King to come back, or you don't want Mister Goblin King too come back?" I said.  
  
" Are you implying that I'm jealous of that blond, insensitive, pri–"  
  
"Uh… no, I'm most definitely not implying that…"  
  
"Good."  
  
"I'm saying it." I said.  
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
In the Castle, Jareth was sitting on his throne. Which was normal, as far as his subjects were concerned. Even kicking his feet was normal, and much preferred to say, kicking them.   
  
What wasn't normal was that he was singing. Well, really what he was singing was odd. Songs like 'As the World Falls Down' or 'Dance Magic' were normal. Not some song apparently titled 'Suicide Is Painless'.#  
  
"Through early morning fog I see/ Visions of the things to be/ The pains that are withheld for me/I realize and I can see…" he sang.  
  
Some unlucky goblin that had most definitely got the short end of some straw.# It was his job to ask Jareth what was wrong. " Umm… sir?"  
  
"Yes, Hogbrain?"  
  
"It's Hoggle. HOGGLE!" Hoggle shouted. He always was touchy about his name.  
  
"Yes, of course, Hoggle. What is it that you want so badly you dare to interrupt my song?"  
  
"Uh… yeah…" Hoggle looked back to the other jeering goblins. No help there. "We was wondering what was wrong with your Worshipfulness."  
  
Jareth ignored Hoggle and continued singing, "The game of life is hard to play/ I'm gonna lose it anyway/ The losing card I'll someday lay/So this is all I have to say// That suicide is painless/it brings on many changes/and I can take or leave it if I please// The only way to win is cheat/ and lay it down before I'm beat/and to another give my seat/for that's the only painless feat."  
  
After singing this he got up and wandered away, ignoring his goblins completely. This wasn't good, Hoggle thought. Jareth was never depressed. Even after that debacle with Sarah defeating him, he had bounced back fairly quickly. He had only sung the song 'Seven' for about a week. It was still a favourite with the goblins.  
  
You see, some songs only get sung when the singer is very jovial, and when depressed. 'Suicide is Painless' is the second type. No one in a good mood sings it while happy.   
  
END  
  
Tenshi-san: Another short one. DAMN! I keep getting more ideas for other stories…  
  
Neko-chan: You are the queen of unfinished work. Did you ever finish that picture from Dragon Knights?  
  
Tenshi-san: No… OH! Yeah, if the footnotes confuse you, disregard them. 


	4. Chapter the Fourth, With Glitter

Tenshi-san: I'm a horrible updater. I'm slower than I have any right to be. I apologize.

DISCLAIMER: I still don't own this. It still belongs to the Henson's. I do own Rhiannon. I keep her in a small sparkly pink box with all my other original characters.

Chapter Four: It Has The Hands In It. And Glitter.

Now we stood in deadlock in front of the Blue Shields. "You're lying."

"Am not! The way on is the other way! This leads—" 

"Boom-poo-boom!" interjects Red.

"To Certain Death!"

I rubbed my forehead. "Let's say, just for the sake of a hypothetical argument, I wanted to go to my certain doom and destruction. I'd go this way." I pointed to the door.

"Rhiannon, why would anyone want to die?" asked Merry.

"Because I know what will happen, and it doesn't involve death."

The Red guards finished a fiercely whispered conversation. "We have voted. You may do down the door the Blues are guarding. But don't tell Him we didn't do the riddle."

"I assure you, I would never go blabbing secrets to His Worshipful Majesty of the Lycra Pants. Shall we continue?"

Of course, halfway down a hundred foot shaft being pinched in uncomfortable spots, my brilliance at choosing this route was called into question.

"I swear to the Queen of Air and Darkness if one more hand cups my ass one more time, I shall lodge a complaint!" shouted Tegau.

"Would you rather they let go?"

"Hey! Stop stealing our lines!"

"Oh, I apologize." I seem to be doing a lot of that today. It makes me mad.

"Humph. Well, up or down?"

"Down. Please." When in doubt, be polite.

"What? Another one! Do people like to molder now a days?" asked one set of Helping Hands.

"Who cares? She chose down!"

"Oh, man! Down!?"

"Can't you guys go up!?"

"NO! I want to go down! I'm pointed that way! And down is the way to go!" I was beginning to lose my temper. (And, no, I didn't run and find it.)

"Fine." And so we dropped into the oubliette. Fun.

"What is this?"

"An oubliette."

"Oh. It's dark." Said Merry.

"That's the idea, Ms. Obvious. You should molder quietly in the dark of the oubliette."

"Very good. But... perhaps some light is needed."

"Jareth?"

"Your Majesty, if you please."

"I don't please. I don't get called the Grand High Leader of Poo-Bahs." Jareth held up his favorite toy, a crystal that glowed softly and shed its light through the room.

"I am the king, even if you don't please, so, I should be treated accordingly."

"Who died and made you king?"

"No one. I've always been Goblin King."

"Woo. What a job. But why did you show up to terrorize my pitiful excuse of a party?"

"I came to help." He rooted around under his cloak, pulling out another crystal. He threw the glowing one at me.

"Hey!" I caught the crystal and started to fade. "How am I supposed to keep it lit?"

"Think of light." The crystal grew brighter and started to flash. "Not that kind of light!"

"Well, sorry! This is harder than it looks!"

"Concentrate!"

"Stop yelling at me!" the light evened and cast through the cave a soft light.

"You do realize you shouldn't be able to do that."

"Then why did you throw the damn thing at me?"

"Tut, tut, there are children around, so watch your mouth."

"Shove it, Jareth. Why?"

"Because?"

"Stop answering my questions with questions! "I threw the crystal at him.

"Ow!"

"Well, do you feel more civilized?"

"I should leave you here." he growled.

"Please, no! Anything but that! Not with these people!" I dropped to my knees in front of him and grabbed his hands. "Please!"

"As nice as it is to have you on your knees in front of me, enough with the histrionics."

"You are one sick puppy. Why don't you stop toying with her and finish what you started." Galen stood; arms crossed and fairly exuded unhappiness.

"I always finish what I start." Jareth raised his eyebrows. "Why do you care is I toy with her?" he grinned. "You wouldn't _like _her, now would you?"

"Like? **_Like! _**As if. I wouldn't lower my standards that far."

"Both of you are assholes. Now, how do we get out?"

"Uh-uh-uh. Now there's a price." Jareth grinned.

I stood and brushed off my knees. "Whatever it is, I'll pay it."

"Really?"

"I'll do anything to get these people out of my hair."

Jareth grinned. "Then shake on it." We shook hands, and the deal was made. I suppose it would be normal to say that i had no idea of what a mess I had just gottten myself into. "Now, I suppose I could release you into the passage..."

"Underground."

"Doesn't the truth hurt, Jareth. You're a big softie."

"Oh, shut up."

"Did you ever get the feeling they are reading a script we can't see?" Merry edged closer to Rhys and Galen. Galen snorted.

"Leave it up to her. She doesn't know what she's doing."

"Then why are we following her?!" cried Merry. Always the hysterical one...

"It's not nice to talk about people behind their backs." I said.

"Turn arouund, it'll be to your face."

"Children!" Jareth growled, "I have taken time from my busy schedule-"

"What schedule? All's you do is prance about kicking goblins." This, by the way, isn't a good idea. Refrain from teasing Goblin Kings in the future.

"I could just leave you here. That's becoming a more attractive solution by the moment."

"So are you."

"......" Well, that _did_ get him to open the door.

So, now we stood in the underground corridor and i started walking to the right.

"You need to stop gambling with our lives just to get some attention from that _thing."_

"Ah, he's not that bad."

"You shoulden't encourage him."

"Why not? It's fun, and I'm bored..." Galen glowered. He seems to do a lot of that. "Relax, cheer up, we're almost to the way out."

"Really! That's it! We're free!" Well, Kaie, uh, he like's his exclamation points. Which, in my opinion, is a sure sign of madness.

"No, not all the way out. Just out of the end of the middle." I sighed. Well, you would too, if you knew what Kaie would say.

"Oh! That's good too!!" Kaie get's very old, very fast.

Tenshi-san: Look, a new chapter! Wow... that took me ten minutes to write at the end of my senior year of high school. And I'm in college now. Yes, I know I'm slow. But... I'm halfway through the plot! Now, where'd I put the plot... putters off


End file.
